just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
