I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
