he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
