if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
