That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
