what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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