why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
