I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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