Swine flu. Run for my life!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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