Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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