Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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