i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm at about main and main street
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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