Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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