i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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