we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
