I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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