You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
