is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
