took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
