my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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