He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize