How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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