trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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