Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
