Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
