2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
