You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
where are my eyebrows?
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