What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
