she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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