Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.