I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.