Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it