the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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