Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"