wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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