I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
