TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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