Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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