One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
