If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
