I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
