pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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