normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
