Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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