everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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