wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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