Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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