Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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