Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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