there's paper in my vomit.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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