Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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