He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
