its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
