the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
