I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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