He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize