obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
