She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
