My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
