I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
