I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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