READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
