There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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