WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
