he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
