he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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