Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My ass is underappreciated
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
