OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
