I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Randomize
