Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
