Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
