Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
