In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
