You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
