ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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