There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
