I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
