In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
no, he came in my armpit
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
