just tell him i said nine months
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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