Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
